


Closer

by tarbaby



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Flash Fic, Infidelity, Marauder's Era, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-13
Updated: 2011-06-13
Packaged: 2017-10-20 09:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarbaby/pseuds/tarbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James had never known and Sirius will never have the chance to tell him now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closer

**Author's Note:**

> "Closer" is a little--actually, a lot--darker than I anticipated when Sirius/Lily came up in conversation with my friend and I wrote it relatively quickly, so I'd appreciate any thoughts and I'm always open to constructive criticism.

James had never known. Not when he put the ring on her finger or put their baby in her arms or put his body in front of hers at the final moment. Sirius should've been relieved, but the knowledge crushed him like the straw that broke the camel's back because he'd never wanted lies between them and he'd never wanted this. He'd just needed a space to fit—needed to know he could press in beside Prongs, close like blood and breath, needed to know he could be there even when Lily was pale and naked underneath his best friend. Her skin had been an easy place to leave his lips and the brush of his fringe and the damp warmth of his sweat and her arms had cradled him like he was the whole world. It had been hard to believe he'd ruined her. That's why he hadn't stopped. She'd been one thing he couldn't ruin, despite his best attempts, because she had never, ever been his. Between him and James, she'd always have chosen James, but then, so would he. Moony had known it, too, or he would have said something when he'd smelled the wrong scent on his best friend’s wife. He'd kept his mouth shut, but nothing had been the same and he'd said, 'you're a traitor' until he'd believed it, until it had been true. Peter had killed James and Lily, had nearly killed their son, but Sirius had had first blood. He had their blood all over his hands and though he'd expected to feel close—closer than he'd ever been, in all his years of trying—he'd never felt so far away before, never been so much the traitor as when he lived.


End file.
